Injured

Chandler broke her ankle about a week ago. She was playing a game and a defender came around and kicked her the outside of her right ankle, right where that bone is. She said to me, "If I were wearing ankle guards, I would probably be fine right now." Gee, imagine that?

I remember watching her, going to goal and then being stopped right outside the box, there was a mild scuffle and I saw the player kick at the ball from behind her. Chandler went down - and before crying out in pain, stuck her foot out and got a pay-back hit of her own. Of course, the referee only saw her retaliating, said to the Coach - who happens to be her Dad - "The other girl didn't even touch her."

Tell that to my insurance company who gets to bill an emergency room visit, a temporary cast, crutches, xrays, PCP appointments, and Specialty Orthopod appointments. Oh, and tell that to my kid. She is not  happy, she is bitter, and boy, is she pissed.

The worst thing is that the biggest month of soccer is starting: February. It is Cal Cup, and Nationals, and Scouts. She is in denial and believes she will play Nationals at the end of the month. Or maybe, she is not in denial, and is just determined. Either way, I am curious to see if it is all talk, or not. She has always been such a strong-willed girl when she sets her mind to something. I have no doubt she will keep me on my toes. After all, the phrase "I can't" has never been allowed in this family!

Shaving

I noticed yesterday, as Cha and I lay together and bummed around after a helluva weekend of soccer, that she had stubble on her legs. Not much, but enough that I noticed. She had asked me if she could start shaving a few months ago, and I acquiesced because far be it from me to be the mother of the only kid in the 7th grade who isn't allowed to shave.

Now that she has permission, she does it very sporadically, and I have been tempted many times to urge her to take razor in hand and get the deed done. But, I don't, because if I do, it is almost like I am accepting the fact that she is growing up...and I don't, at all.

What I like about my daughter is that she still holds my hand when we walk in a parking lot and she still wraps my arms around her when we are hanging out at the house. She trusts me, and she loves me. What I have done to deserve such things, aside from the occasional quesadilla, is beyond me. But, her belief in me keeps me going.

It has been tough times at Casa McD, no one will dispute that. No matter how happy we are, life is topsy- turvy. I try to remind myself that through everything, we have each other and that is enough. But on some days, it is hard to remember and one gets sad, even though one should see past today and know tomorrow will be better.

So, I don't say anything about the stubble, because I would rather she stay little - even at 5'2 3/4". I would rather we not talk about shaving and acne and anything of the like, because right now, she still thinks I get everything right. And when the moment comes that she figures out that is not at all true, I will at least have  had enough time to store up every good thought I have of us in my little box of memories to get me through the tough spots.

Happy Birthday to Me!

A few weeks ago, Chandler was selected to try out for the Young Olympians Program. Out of 5,000 girls born in 1998 who play soccer for Cal South, she was one out of 98 that got an invitation. It was my birthday when the letter came in the mail.

A few things about my birthday…

I don’t make a big deal out of birthdays, and so, no big deal has ever been made out of mine. I wasn’t expecting anything, and didn’t really get anything. Money is tight – isn’t it everywhere? – and as a mom, let’s face it, we learn to “do without.” Still, that didn’t stop me from feeling down; from feeling a bit unappreciated – something I would never admit, in a million years, to my darling husband.

So, we had our usual noon phone call when Hubby called to check on me, and “no, dear, nothing exciting is happening on this end.” I went to the mailbox, fairly depressed, hoping to at least find a card with money it from Mom, and there it was, a letter addressed to one Miss Chandler McDaniel from Cal South Soccer Association.

I cried. She did it.

All the hard work, the time, the money. All the tears and lost friendships over something that some people find so trivial. Everything all rolled up into one letter, and one opportunity.

I don’t know that anyone will ever understand what that stupid letter meant to Hubby and me. I don’t know if even Chandler will ever comprehend the emotion that poured out of me when I called Clint to let him know that he could rest easy, my Love, you have done what you said you would do. Because that letter may have been addressed to my daughter, but it was for the both of them.

And it was the best damn birthday present I could have ever, ever received.

She is on Cloud Nine!

It is Cha’s birthday today! She received an e-mail from her hero, Landon Donovan – only the best soccer player to ever come out of the United States! It is a good thing we know people who know people. (Jeff Tackett, World Class Keeper Trainer out of Cal Poly Pomona gets full credit for this one)!

I can’t help but feel sentimental today, because it seems like such a milestone. TWELVE. Eyeliner and razors, and copious amounts of hairspray – that is what I remember about being 12..that, and Duran Duran.

Yet, Chandler is definitely a different person than I was then. She is stronger and less inclined to necessarily do what everyone else is doing. Of course she is like any other girl her age, who does care, even if just a little bit, about what other think of her.

I worry so much that our relationship dynamic is about to undergo a major overhaul, one that is bigger than we have already experienced. So, I just hold on tight, and hope I do all the right things.

She has been so special to me and her Dad, in so many ways. I see the best of us in her, and struggle to reconcile the itty-bitty bad parts that she has inherited, too. But, in the end, she has brought nothing but joy to me, and I am forever proud that she is mine. And I am so excited for everything to come…

She’s got a pep in her step

There is something so rewarding in seeing your child excel at something they love. There are moments of doubt along the way, but when the love of the game and confidence and hard work come together in a burst of talent…wow, it is quite a show.

But surely, I am bragging.

She’s changed…!!!

I think of all that has gone on last year, and try to sift through the memories to come up with one defining moment, that sums up 2009 for Cha.

Very difficult.

I can say that she has changed. I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere, while I was too caught up in my own mid-thirties drama to see it, she changed.

She still has the loudest laugh, and she has the capacity to light up a room when she wants to - but our inside joke now is that she can also suck the life out of the room, as well. Maybe this is it though, that period in a young girl’s life that everyone warned me about, the era of bad tempers and mood swings; the uncontrollable emotions of a pre-teen possessing our once-happy little girl.

The last few weeks, we have seen glimpses of her again. That smile that warms us and makes her Daddy so proud, is back again. Maybe it is the pleasure of presents received from Christmas and the knowledge that her birthday is right around the corner. Maybe it is because her best mate is back in town and she appreciates her again. Maybe it is because she took the appropriate time off of her sport and she has fallen back in love with the game. Who knows.

Whatever it is that is making her happy, I am happy for it!

She left a brunette…now she’s Japanese Anime!

So, Cha really knows how to end the year with a bang. She never was the “wink and a smile” kind of girl. We knew this about her going in.

Clint and I have this thing about our kids…they are OURS. That means, you need permission to do things to them, specifically when it comes to altering their appearance. Yes, I know, it is kind of a controlling way to stamp your will on another being. It’s called parenting, damnit.

We sent Cha to Mimi’s house on Sunday. I had mentioned a TRIM and that Cha really wanted blue highlights in her hair. Let me get it on record that I get a lot of flack about Cha’s hair. I started letting her have blond highlights when she was about 8. All the moms gave me a hard time because they didn’t want their own kids to have high lights, and all their kids bitched and said, “Chandler’s Mom lets her!” Well, Chandler’s grandma is a hairdresser and it is free. Plus, Clint likes it.

So I tell Mimi that Cha really want blue highlights. I also go on the record, in front of everyone, that I do not approve of chunky – just a few blue highlights peeking out.

When I picked her up, she had JET BLACK HAIR.

My first reaction was “Hey, that’s cool!” I am still a mom, and I knew if freaked out on her, it would have been a scene, and one that included my mom-in-law. Admittedly, she was worried. But, she is a dear heart, who is kind of scared of me, and I didn’t want her to think I was angry with her.

Clint, however, doesn’t give a shit. He was, and is, incensed over this. I literally begged him not to say anything to his mom, which he did the first second he could.

Clint and I are upset on a few different issues. I am not mad and Mom or Cha. I just wish it didn’t happen. I wish her hair was brown with blue, like I asked. It makes her look older to me, and more sullen, which I hate. There is an edge to her now, that I don’t feel an 11 year old needs.

Clint is upset because 1) She didn’t ask. This is a HUGE change. He contends that if he had come home when he was 11 and had died his whole head of hair a different color, his parents would have flipped out. 2) His mother went against something he said. Okay, do I have to explain? We all freak out at our parents.  3) She looks more Asian.

Yes, you read right. But you have to understand what he means. She looks less like him…and let’s face it folks, she doesn’t much look like him to begin with. Finn, to most people, is the spitting image of Clint, just brown. But Cha – well, that kid is a mini-me, and there isn’t much of her dad in there! So it isn’t that he doesn’t like Asians – of course he does, he married one – but he liked it better when she had lighter hair.

So, now I have to spend all Christmas with my Goth-Kid’s blue black hair in all the photos and it is making me cringe. If she pulls this shit again, I will kill her!